so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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