My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize