i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
