happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
