I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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