dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
