Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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