did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
