dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
