She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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