great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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