Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
