I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
