I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
