Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can you bring me the toilet please
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
