this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
