There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
