I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
