i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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