Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
