Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
