Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
