i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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