You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
