If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
