We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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