I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
