dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
