need another drink. this is the easiest way
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
