remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
