Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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