CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That accounts for only three of the penises
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
