she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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