her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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