I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
