When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
