On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Houston, we have a squirter
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
