I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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