remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
