Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
