it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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