so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
