he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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