remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
