..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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