I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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