So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
