I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
