I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
