Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
