is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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