Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We left the knife in your bed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
