I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
