No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
