I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We need a shit load of segways right now
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
