Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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