you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
