like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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