Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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