one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
