i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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