The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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