I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize