Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
