Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
