I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
