I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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