Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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