If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
