He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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