I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
