I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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