i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
