Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
