I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
