I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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