my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
