Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
