I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
