Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
