a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
