i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
