He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
