Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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